I was very excited to hit the ground running in the new decade. I joined The Wing late last year. I joined a gym for the first time in probably six years. I was posting blogs. And in the middle of January I got blown back by a pinched nerve. It’s been almost a month of near constant pain. I have done almost everything imaginable for it.
When I was in college I saw a video about a women with Sickle Cell Anemia. She said that she would just randomly get hit with serve pain everywhere and have to spend days in the hospital doped up on morphine and I thought, “Honestly? That sounds like the fucking life.” OBVIOUSLY I’m not ACTUALLY saying I think Sickle Cell Anemia is a picnic. No need to cancel me. I’m SAYING being doped up on morphine for days a time because you legitimately need it sounds like a fucking dream. Don’t at me.
Tomorrow I’m seeing a pain management doctor who I’m hoping will shoot heroin directly into my spine and send me home with a baggy and a syringe.
Upon reflection, I have managed to make the most of my time as an invalid.
I’ve read five books already this year. Granted two of them were from the Griffin and Sabine series and can be read in about ten minutes. But still…
My short screenplay “Tony and Annette” made it into it’s 10th festival/competition with the Pasadena International Film Festival. So, that’s fun. If you have an extra $30,000 lying around that you don’t know what to do with, consider giving it to me so I can make this movie already. I have production teams and a director lined up.
I also started writing a screenplay that I need to have done by March 25th in order to submit to a fellowship for women screenwriters over 40.
Also, not for nothing, I reached out to casting regarding a role I didn’t get that I knew they still hadn’t cast. I had them give me notes, and I did the audition again. I don’t know if I got it and in some ways it doesn’t even really matter. It was a reminder to me that I am not a wilting violet. I had begun to believe a false narrative about myself that I can’t handle rejection and I won’t allow myself to be vulnerable. Which is complete horse shit. Frankly, any actor who continues to audition despite the inevitable rejections, is both completely raw and made of god damned Teflon. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. And if going back in for something I was already rejected for once doesn’t scream vulnerability, then call me…I don’t know, a Samsonite suitcase? Lay off. I’m in pain.
My therapist reminded me today that I’ve also been parenting through all of this, which, as we all know, is its own full-time job.
So, I suppose I have hit the ground running. I’m just doing a lot of it while laying in bed on an ice pack.
That’s all. I just wanted to drop a line so you didn’t think I was dead.
OH, YES. Also this very exciting news!
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